PROBLEM SOLVING

Practical Approaches

Everyone has problems. Sometimes it can seem as if they are overwhelming. You may have been started on antidepressants or been recommended to see a counsellor. These approaches are often necessary and helpful. However it can help to look at some of the problems in your life in an ordered way and try to establish what are those problems you can do something about and what are those you can do nothing about. Sometimes even just feeling that there are some areas of our lives over which we have control is helpful.

Below is a table which you can copy yourself. Write down what you see as the biggest problems in your life. Continue writing things down in decreasing order of importance. You can then go through the table and identify those things you can do something about and those which you cannot. If you have a partner get them to repeat the exercise. Hopefully you will both identify similar things as being difficult. Clearly if your lists are entirely different then this would suggest you need some help in communicating with each other.

Brief description of problem.	Can I do anything about it?	Will I?	And when?

Negotiating: Some Tips

When addressing interpersonal difficulties try not to view a problem as belonging to one or other of the parties. In my view there are four stages to successful negotiation:

• Can we agree that there is a problem? (Counselling cannot help with this and the answer demands complete honesty)
• If so can we agree where the problem lies? (Counselling can help here as a trained person can help to steer you towards areas of agreement rather than disagreement and call time when blood starts to be drawn)
• Do we want to solve the problem? (This is the most difficult part. No amount of counselling can help with this and the answer again demands absolute honesty - you’re on your own!!)
• How do we solve it ? (Usually by the time this stage is reached the answers have become clear).

Remember - two people always have a different view of any situation. This is inevitable. Each person's view is like one lens of a pair of binoculars. As with a pair of binoculars however there is usually a ‘shared field of vision’ in the middle where the image is clear. In discussion of difficult areas, try to find this ‘shared view’ and try to steer clear of all the areas where you cannot agree.